...some days...

I once had an algebra teacher who, if you did poorly on a test, would say, Some days you eat the bear. Some days the bear eats you.

As a 16 year old, this phrase annoyed me to no end.

As a 35 year old, I fully understand it.

There are days when you wake up refreshed and ready for anything that might be thrown at you.
You use your shower time to, not only star in your own Broadway show, but also solve most of the world's problems.
You're put together physically and mentally.
On time? Forget on time. You're, like, 15 minutes early.
And you even stop to grab some coffee from your local spot.
Maybe you even have it together enough to bring coffee to a coworker.
Look at you, acting like Jesus and everything.
You crush it at work.
You crush it at the gym.
You crush everything.
You. Are. Getting. It.

And then there are some days...

You over sleep and run out the house with soaking wet hair, praying to God you payed enough attention as you ripped clothes out of your closet Tasmanian Devil style to have grabbed something that matches.
You spill the coffee that your coworker was nice enough to bring you all over your shirt.
You forget how to act like Jesus because you are overtired from your life that both exhausts you and bores you to tears.
You are irritated because everyone's breathing is the absolute worst noise in the entire universe.
And who is CHEWING LIKE THAT!?
You have a terrible day at work.
The gym? Forget the gym. You grab take out on the way home and eat it on the couch while you binge watch Making a Murderer on Netflix.
You feel like you are being crushed.
You. Are. Getting. The. Furthest. Thing. From. It.

Let's just keep it real here, kids.
I am not eating the bear.

I wouldn't necessarily say that the bear is eating me, either, though.
Not quite yet, anyway.

He is definitely sitting in the corner sizing me up and licking his lips.
I think I may have even seen him tying a napkin around his neck - a bib to catch, not only my blood, sweat, and tears, but my heartbreak, tiredness, and frustrations.

Actually, I see it more like that scene in The Empire Strikes Back when the Wampa has Luke in it's lair.
The Wampa is just sitting there snacking on the Tauntaun while it has Luke hanging upside down by his frozen boots.

That's me.
I'm Luke.
I'm the second course.

All I have to do now is take and deep breath, close my eyes, and let the force flow through me so I can dislodge my lightsaber from the ice block and cut myself out of the frozen cave roof. I'll chop off the Wampa's arm (and not eat it, because, gross) and run off to face certain frozen death whilst mumbling something about Ben, Yoda, and Dagobah.

But if Han Solo comes to rescue me at the end of this mess, it will have been well worth it.

Tauntaun stench and all.

...resolve...

Recently, I overheard two people discussing their New Year's resolutions.

One person was saying that is was a struggle to keep the promise he had made to himself, but he was determined to "hold out longer" than he had last year. The other person joked that his resolution was broken before New Year's Day had ended. 

They laughed.

And I laughed.

But then I had a thought:

Why are we intentionally making promises to ourselves that we know will, inevitably, be broken? And why are we laughing about it?

If your brother, or your best friend, or your neighbor made you a promise and immediately turned around and broke it, would you be laughing?

If it isn't acceptable for someone to treat you that way, why are you treating yourself in that manner?

And since when is a resolution a promise?

A promise is an intention - an indication of what may or may not happen in the future.

A resolution is a firm determination.

***

If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that I  haven't made a New Year's resolution in over 15 years.

Personally, I find them silly. If I really want to do more or less of something, well, I'm an adult and I'll do it, or not do it, as the case may be. I don't need it to be on a certain day of the year. If I decide on Tuesday, May 10th that I want to skip around my house an hour a day, I will. I won't have to wait until January 1st to do so, either. 

Instead of a resolution, I participate in OneWord365. 

You pick one word and you do your best to live that word everyday for the entire year.

This year, my word is truth.

Not because I'm a liar.

Because I need to live in truth, and walk in truth, and hear truth.

Because truth is courage, and courage is never weakness.

Because the truth will set you free...even if it first makes you angry.

The thing about truth is that it exists beyond belief. It is true even if no one believes it.

And the truth is that nothing great comes from living in your comfort zone.

Truth is why I've started writing again in the first place.
Truth is what allows you behind my curtain, where you can see that the Great and Powerful Oz is merely human.
And, the truth is, this human is just seeing if any other humans are listening.

If I could leave you with one last bit of truth for today, it  would be this:

Take a good long look at yourself and evaluate your life.

Are you living your life to it's fullest potential?

Are you really living...or are you just surviving?

Find some resolve.

Resolve to be the best version of you.

Resolve to make better habits.

Resolve to be a positive thinker.
Resolve to let things go already.

Resolve to love - yourself, each other, everyone.